


Never Let Me Go

by scary_cas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-16
Updated: 2013-11-16
Packaged: 2017-12-31 05:10:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1027613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scary_cas/pseuds/scary_cas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Cas have their first kiss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place after 9.04
> 
> This is the first fanfic I've ever published - expect faults (plus I am an awful writer and I'm really scared to publish this)

“What exactly happened? Why did Cas leave, Dean?”  
Sam pressed for answers, keeping his voice calm and his emotions sincere. He didn’t want to upset Dean, he could tell from the pained look on his face that talking about Cas hurt him; and that was the last thing that Sam wanted to do. But he needed to know why Cas left. He needed answers.  
“I told you, he felt that staying here would only put us in danger, so he left. That’s it.” Dean rushed out defensively.  
Sam raised his eyebrows and looked at Dean with doubt, “That’s it? That’s all that happened?”  
Dean nodded sharply.  
“Okay.” Sam held his hands up in defeat.  
Sam knew when his brother was lying. He knew him so well, but he let the subject drop. He didn’t want to hurt him, and if talking about Cas caused Dean pain, then he wasn’t going to bring it up again. He left Dean alone and went to his room. _His room._ It felt weird to say, he’d never had his own room before. At least, not one he could remember. It felt strange, being stuck in one place, but at the same time it felt good. Like they finally belonged somewhere, they finally had a place to call home. A safe place. So why did Cas leave? The question bounced around in Sam’s skull long into the night, preventing him from getting much rest.

A few doors down from Sam’s room, Dean lay wide awake, also struggling to sleep. _What if Sam found out about Zeke?_ was arguably the most important thought buzzing about in his mind. _Would Sam eject the fallen angel, or would he accept the fact that right now they needed him?_   He wouldn’t like being possessed, that Dean knew for sure. He knew Sam so well. Dean didn’t like the thought of Zeke being inside of Sam, _his_ Sam, but they needed him. He needed Sam, and he would do anything for him. Even if that meant letting an angel ride around inside of him. He also worried about the angel himself, worried whether or not they could actually trust him.  Dean sighed deeply, there was something else gnawing away inside his brain, keeping him awake and anxious. _Cas_. Dean worried for him, ached for him. He was human now, no longer that powerful angelic being, no longer strong. He was fragile and vulnerable and he’d let him walk out of that door on his own. Dean gritted his teeth in frustration. He chose Sam over Cas, and he barely took a second to think about it. And then there was the small matter of what happened when he’d driven Cas to the nearest town. 

* * *

 

The look of disbelief and pain on Cas’ face was like a knife slicing through Dean’s flesh. He hated himself for what he was doing, what he was saying to his best friend, but he had to do it. He had no other choice. Sam was his brother and he’d sworn to protect him. When Zeke told him Cas had to go, it has crushed Dean. He had to save Sammy, he choose Sam over Cas. But still, that look haunted Dean. It was like he’d pretty much just slapped Cas across the face. They’d rescued him, Zeke healed him, and they brought him to the bunker. And now he was telling him to leave. Dean felt for certain that he was the biggest dick in the whole of human history. But Cas said okay. Said that he understood. _He forgave me_ , Dean thought to himself shakily. And that forgiveness hurt more than anything else.  
After checking that Sam and Kevin were safely tucked into bed and were in deep sleeps, they’d snuck out of the bunker and drove off towards the nearest town. There Cas could catch a bus and Dean hoped he would start a new life somewhere. He hoped that Cas would get himself a slice of that apple pie life that he could never keep. Hoped Cas would be safe, far away from the Winchesters, far away from harm’s way. But he knew that would never happen. Where ever Cas went, they’d be an ambush of angels or demons waiting for him. They would kill him and Dean would never be able to forgive himself. 

The drive was quiet and somewhere along the road Cas fell asleep. It was then that Dean realised just how vulnerable he looked. His heart twisted in harsh pain, and he had to stop himself from reaching over and pulling the former angel close to him. Instead, he gently and awkwardly wrapped Cas in his leather jacket, being careful not to wake him. Cas pulled the jacket close to him and smiled in his sleep, a rare and beautiful sight that had Dean’s soul glowing.  
By the time they reached the town, dawn was approaching. The sky was tinged with blue, pinks and reds, and in front of them it seemed endless and open for them; waiting. Dean thought to himself how different the sky seemed to him now. Once it had been lite up by falling angels, fire flickering and trailing after them as their wings were ripped from their backs, and he could do nothing but pull Sam closer and wait for it to all stop. He remembered shouting out for Cas, remembered thinking, _what if Cas was falling?_ Dean had the sudden urge to keep driving, but he fought it down. His head was reeling with all the memories of Cas saving him, helping him, making him smile. He felt his eyes sting from the threat of tears and his throat felt raw. He gripped tightly onto the steering wheel, fighting the tears back when Cas woke.  

“Dean?”  
He’d glanced over to Cas and that was when his heart melted. Tears spilled down his cheeks, painting them in wide rivers, dripping down and ruining his shirt.  
“I’m sorry Cas. I don’t want you to leave.” His voice cracked and he tried desperately to hide the pain. If his dad was here now, he'd probably hit him for being so weak.  
“It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay,” Cas smiled, his eyes shining bright with tears of his own, “I can look after myself.”  
“No you can’t.” Dean choked out.  
“I survived millions of years without you, I’m sure I can go just a little while longer.” He laughed, and it sounded better than the best music, better than early morning birdsong, better than anything Dean had ever heard before. He was sure that Cas was lying just to make him feel better, but for now he would believe him.  
Dean stared into Cas’ eyes for a long time. They were the most brightest and purest blue he’d ever seen, as peaceful as the ocean, as calming and soothing as it too.   
It happened quickly. They’d both leaned in, as if on cue, and their lips met. It felt like fire, burning and consuming everything, blocking out all of the pain. All of Dean’s worries vanished in a single and precious moment and happiness replaced the fear. It flourished as Cas entwined his hands in Dean’s short hair, pulling them closer. He could feel his heart burn, could feel all of the devotion and love rushing out as Cas kissed him harder. His lips were so soft, so cold and so sweet! He never wanted to pull away out of this; he never wanted to let him go. His heart was racing and he swore that Cas would be able to hear it. He felt the corners of Cas’ lips pull up in a sweet smile and the kiss broke much earlier than Dean wanted it to. Cas gently disentangled his hands and slowly traced over Dean’s lips with his fingertips. Dean’s heart fluttered again.  
“Dean,” Cas breathed out meekly, “I love you.”  
“You really mean that?” Dean laughed shakily.  
Cas’ smile lit up the whole of Dean’s world, “Yes.”

* * *

 

Dean curled up in pain and sobs wracked his whole body. It hurt to be away from Cas. The memory helped to ease the pain, but he still ached for the feel of Cas’ feathery light touch, the softness of his lips, the way he’d smiled after their first kiss. It was so pure, like Cas had lifted him from all sins, washed and stripped his heart of all pain. And now he was gone and the glowing happiness had faded. It was over, and Dean could feel himself going under, could feel his soul being crushed under all the despair and loneliness. For once, Dean just felt like giving in, letting the despair drag him down to the deepest and darkest pits of his own personal hell.

“Dean?” Sam called out to him, rushing into the room.  
Sam pulled his brother close to him into a protective hug.  
“I miss him, Sammy.” Dean choked out.  
“I know Dean, I do too.” Sam soothed.  

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment!! xx


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